Hints for Women

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it
up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
9. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
10. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on
the calendar.
11. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
12. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
13. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
14. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
15. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
16. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
17. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
18. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do
something, but not both.
19. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials. If not, don't be offended when we press the pause button.
20. If it itches, we will scratch it.
21. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong.